As the anniversary of Hannah’s diagnosis and beginning of treatment for Acute Myeloid Leukemia looms, the intensity of the memories of that time lessens, but the fears aren’t completely gone.
Driving to Scarborough yesterday for her annual check up, I thought back to all the trips, we made during treatment and in the months after. Some of them were made feelings of pure terror and others with the boredom of 60 miles driven too many times.
Hannah is now a healthy college student who lives her live to the fullest. She sees the time she spent in treatment as something that happened when she was a child and now she has moved on. For her the blood work, echocardiogram and exam are a minor inconvenience to be tolerated.
For me, I can still feel the fear of relapse deep in my being, despite it being very unlikely after eight years. Perhaps my fear is a talisman against bad luck. If so I can accept it as a tradeoff.
The publication of Loving Hannah has completed a portion of my recovery. If this book helps others who are struggling with their own challenges of childhood cancer treatment, perhaps I can catch up to where my daughter is.